“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” - Billy, age 4
“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” - Karl, age 5
“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” - Chrissy, age 6
“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” - Terri, age 4
“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” - Danny, age 7
“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” - Bobby, age 7
“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” - Nikka, age 6
“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” - Noelle, age 7
“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” - Elaine, age 5
“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.” - Chris, age 7
“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” - Mary Ann, age 4
“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” - Lauren, age 4
“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” - Rebecca, age 8
“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” - Karen, age 7
“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” - Jessica, age 8
THE FIRS ONE OH MY GOD
You guys. Never underestimate the value of friends. Every time my friends and I come home from school I’m reminded of that, especially during the holidays. You see, friends are there for you when everything else in your life hits the fan. You don’t break up with your friends, they don’t mind sitting around all day eating cookies with you, you never have to look pretty around them, and you can call them dirty sluts and they’ll just laugh! Best of all, they are a hell of a lot of fun even when shit hasn’t hit the fan.
I.E. Alli and I had a few drinks on NYE when I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas came on. Now, I don’t particularly love this song, but when we heard it, it was like there was a mutual agreement between us that tonight was literally going to be the best night of our lives; and therefore, we NEEDED to turn the music ALL THE WAY UP, scream the lyrics at the top of our lungs, and dance like fools. No one else found this as fantastic as we did, but HELL. We didn’t care. Now I can’t stop listening to this song, but it’s not nearly as good when Alli isn’t here to be ridiculous with me!
Here’s to friends!
Happy 2011, everyone!!
JOINT POST!!! ( note: this does not mean we are smokin’ doobies, we’re just high off LIFE!)
okay, so the attention seeker… this is the first of our many characters in the series of ploys women use to attract men. this is also our first legitimate post about “see me. chase me. love me.” yay!!! we’ll be using our friend Kayla (names have been altered to protect the innocent) as an example of the attention seeker!
Kayla. Kayla has two older sisters: one with perfect everything including a perfect love life, and one who pretends she has a perfect life, like, to the point where she’s a lunatic because everyone knows her life if NOT perfect. Kayla’s other sibling is her younger brother who has autism, so he naturally gets a lot of attention at home, at school, etc. This makes Kayla crazy for attention, but not in the classical sense. Kayla specifically channels her attention seeking to her ring of close friends and to all men everywhere. Now to the more interesting crap… Kayla’s love life!!
Kayla likes boys. This is not to say that she is straight (she is), but to emphasize that she likes boys. REALLY likes boys. Boys become the priority for Kayla whenever they are present in mixed company. And she will fight to stand out among the crowd. This also makes her very competitive when other gorgeous, smart, or talented females are around. Now, we have to put a disclaimer here… we love Kayla, but sometimes she’s ridic, you guys. riDICK. But aren’t we all???
Specifics: Alli had a hot date one time for a high school dance. super hot. talk of the town hot. hotter than kayla’s date (no offense, kayla’s date). this made the Kaylamonster attack, like friggin godzilla on the japanese or whatever. no offense. and by attack we mean she kind of seduced him and made out with him on the couch while alli was sleeping. sooo yeah. This calls for another disclaimer. We aren’t trying to make this a high school drama bitchfest. Again, we LOVE kayla, but we needed this as an example. and she doesn’t do stuff to this magnitude all the time, but it’s a reference for things the attention seeker is capable of. BAM.
So here’s an example of a more common strategy of the attention seeker. Lets set the scene:
Alli, kayla, and two visiting males play euchre as Candace quietly plays on her iPod and BAKES FRIGGIN COOKIES FOR ALL OF THEM. Let us observe the conversation that occurs.
Boy: What are you playing, Candace?
Candace: Unblock me. I’ve never played this be-
Kayla:(interrupting) OHMYGOD! I am so good at that game . (looks at the ipod) You’re playing beginner?!
Boy: (to Candace) I love that game!
Kayla: I’m so good at that game. I’m on level 75483278984 on hard! (this might not have been the exact level kayla was on but it was something high)
Now this does not seem like a big deal if it happens every once in a while, but Kayla does this constantly. Notice when other girls are gaining attention of the boy present, Kayla jumps into the scene to make herself look more interesting or attractive. This is just how she does things. She likes to be the Alpha-female. That is where she is most comfortable.
If you have a kayla in your life…and
If you think you’re kind of like Kayla…
-Alli and Candace
Songs in the background: Eyes by Rouge Wave and Breathe by Alexi Murdoch
Alli and Candace talking about who the ploys apply to.
Finally! You get to figure out what we’re all about. #fuckyeahrhyming
The ploys of women? dubs tee eff is that?! LUCKILY, you have us to guide you through. See, most people don’t understand women. Women don’t even understand women (isn’t that amazing?) Crazy world, HUH?? It’s because we are such intricate and complex creatures.
Alli and I will attempt to unravel the mysteries that lie beneath the deep, dark surface that encompasses women’s courtship behavioral strategies! I know what you’re thinking, “THIS DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!!” We just wanted to sound smart. Really, we’re just babbling about life in general and trying to make some sense of it all. We specialize in the bullcrap women do… because we are women and that’s what we’re best at. Bullcrap.
Ploys of women = what we do to attract significant others and/or casual sexy friends (whatever floats your boat). All women are different and we all have different ploys, but Alli and I have come up with a few general categories that most women can fit into, approximately… probably. We’ll see. Anyway…
Much love ya’ll,
Alli and Candace
BAM! hello all! My name is Alli. Candace and I have started this blog to share the information we know about men and relationships….and women. First of all here are some facts about me.
1. I am a junior at a small college
2. I am currently single but still keep in contact with my ex.
3. I love the office and How I met you mother, so there may be references to those shows.
4. I am very stubborn when it comes to boys
5. I don’t put up with shit.
6. I’m actually pretty friendly
7. I’m to the point (unlike candace…haha)
SO. Alli and I were out shopping (kind of) the other day. Really, we were pretending like we were going to buy things before we went to see Tangled at the mall theatre… but that’s besides the point. and we were inside of Maurice’s (love) ‘cause there was a 50% OFF SALE!! so irresistible, right??!?? anyway, there was this adorable, adorable yellow dress that i had. to. have! but it was only in Alli’s size. ::cue saddest song you’ve ever heard:: and there was another kind of adorable one that was in my size. so we decided to put them on hold and try them on later.
after the movie (which was wonderful and Flynn Ryder is SO HOT OMG), we went back to Maurice’s for the dresses. the thing was, no matter how much we tried to talk each other into buying the dresses, we just didn’t love them. this is when it hit us: men are like dresses.
here’s what we mean… when in search for the perfect dress, you can’t just buy everything that’s in your size. in fact, the cut of the dress that I tried on would have looked better on Alli, and Alli’s dress wouldn’t have looked as bunchy on me ‘cause my boobs are smaller. in other words, sometimes things look prettier on the rack. and if you’re still not following, just because a guy seems like your “type” doesn’t mean he’s a good fit!
and what happens when you get a dress you’re not totally in love with?? well, in my experience (i’m really talking about dresses here), it sits in my closet for a couple weeks until i force myself to wear it a few times. and when i do wear it, i’m constantly looking for a mirror to make sure that i don’t look too awful. months down the road, i’m bawling my eyes out, flipping through all the lifetime movies my mom has saved on the dvr, plowing through a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, screaming “why did i even buy that STUPID dress (okay, now i’m talking about men!) in the first place?!?? waaahhh!!” okay, not really. but you do regret buying the dress eventually! especially when you knew you didn’t completely adore it and it didn’t make you feel fabulous in the first place! why go for a guy that you only kinda like?? ya know?
people of blog, i know sometimes our closet feels empty and we really just want a dress that makes us feel good!!! and that leads us to jump on the first 50% off sale we see. but sometimes the cutest little dress ever is waiting for us just past the Auntie Anne’s pretzel stand! we just have to wait ‘til we try one on that we absolutely can’t go another day without, one that makes us feel like the gorgeous little ladies we are! (sorry for the extra cheese in this metaphor…)
p.s. i knew i wanted to post something, but couldn’t remember for the life of me what it was until i found the dress in the link above… why must it be a hundred million dollar$$$!? wouldn’t it be so cute with a thick faux leather belt in mustard yellow? like this one? ::sigh:: need sugar daddy asap